Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
