Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
