check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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