I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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