Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
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who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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