Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
