My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
