who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
