I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
