You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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