Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
