Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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