you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
