Pappa wants mamma naked
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
