I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
