her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
try to milk me bitch
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