I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So vagazzling was a success
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
