New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
