just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
3pm strippers are depressing
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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