When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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