I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
