She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
