dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
my liver is dry heaving
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
