Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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