If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
