Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
