is your mom at the bar?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
