before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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