woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
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that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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