6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
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On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
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Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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