4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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