He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
