I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
