i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
