Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
