I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
