I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
