i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
