If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
