do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
