$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
