dude i'm inner monologue high
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
