I am puke
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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