She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
