So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
