I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
