I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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