You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
