You made me cry and you don't even care
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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