i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
