Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
