i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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