She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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