shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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