Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
