McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
