Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize