I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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