turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
