I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
