I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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