Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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