absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
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Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We smell like vodka and hangover
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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