You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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