mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
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I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
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Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
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