Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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