At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
