yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
