I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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