Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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