I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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