is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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